Improve Your Sex Life by Making it Your Favorite Hobby

What about Sex?!

Have you ever considered sex as more than just a part of your routine? What if you treated it like your favorite hobby? According to a recent study, couples who prioritize their sex lives report higher relationship satisfaction and overall happiness. As a sex educator, I’ve seen firsthand how reframing sex as a hobby can transform your intimate life. Let’s explore how making sex your favorite hobby can dramatically improve your sex life.

The Problem: We Treat Sex Wrong

Most people approach sex passively. They expect it to happen naturally without much thought or effort. This often leads to infrequent, unsatisfying experiences and a lot of frustration. We rarely communicate our desires, plan our intimate moments, or educate ourselves about sex. As a result, sex becomes a source of stress rather than pleasure.

The Solution: Sex as Your Favorite Hobby

Imagine your favorite hobby—whether it’s playing tennis, painting, or cooking. How do you approach it? You communicate with fellow enthusiasts, plan your activities, and continually learn new techniques to improve. Why not apply the same actions to your sex life?


Open, honest communication is key. Here’s how to apply it to your sex life:

  • Regular Check-ins: Schedule regular conversations with your partner to discuss your sex life. Use these check-ins to talk about what’s working, what’s not, and any new interests or fantasies you might have.
  • Feedback Loop: After intimate moments, share what you enjoyed and what could be improved. This isn’t about criticism but about enhancing mutual pleasure.
  • Non-verbal Cues: Pay attention to non-verbal communication during sex. Body language can often tell you more than words.


Just like you would schedule a tennis match or a painting session, schedule your intimate moments. Here are some specific ways to do this:

  • Sex Dates: Set aside specific nights dedicated to intimacy. This could be a weekly or bi-weekly arrangement where you both know that the evening is reserved for each other.
  • Spontaneous Planning: While having scheduled sex dates is important, leaving room for spontaneous moments is equally crucial. Plan for spontaneous getaways or surprise romantic evenings.
  • Environment Preparation: Just like setting up a workspace for a hobby, create an inviting atmosphere for intimacy. Dim the lights, play soft music, and ensure the bedroom is a welcoming space.


Never stop learning. Here’s how to keep your sex life exciting and fulfilling:

  • Books and Articles: Delve into literature on sexual techniques and relationship advice. Books like “The Joy of Sex” by Alex Comfort or “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski can be enlightening.
  • Podcasts and Videos: Listen to podcasts like “Sex with Emily” or watch educational videos that explore various aspects of sexual health and pleasure.
  • Workshops and Courses: Participate in workshops or online courses. Websites like OMGYES offer interactive learning experiences about female pleasure.
  • Experimentation: Be willing to try new things. Whether it’s a new position, a different setting, or incorporating toys, keep the exploration alive.

Specific Examples of Applying the Sex as a Hobby Mindset

confidence in relationships

Exploring Different Positions

  • Research and Practice:
    • Reading: Invest in books like “The Ultimate Guide to Sex Positions” by Jessica O’Reilly or explore websites that illustrate various positions. Each position can offer different sensations and emotional connections.
    • Video Tutorials: There are educational videos available (on platforms like YouTube or specialized websites) that demonstrate how to achieve certain positions safely and comfortably.
    • Practice with Patience: Just as you’d practice a new skill, give yourselves time to master new positions. Start slowly and build confidence together.
  • Feedback Sessions:
    • Post-Sex Debrief: After trying a new position, have a relaxed conversation about the experience. What felt good? What was challenging? What could be adjusted next time?
    • Body Language: Sometimes, non-verbal feedback during the act can guide you. Pay attention to each other’s reactions and adjust accordingly.

Incorporating Toys and Tools

  • Education:
    • Online Reviews and Forums: Websites like Lovehoney or Babeland have user reviews and forums where people discuss their experiences with different toys.
    • Sex Educators: Follow sex educators on social media or attend virtual workshops to learn about the latest toys and how to use them effectively.
  • Experiment Together:
    • Shopping Experience: Make the shopping part of the fun. Discuss what each of you might be interested in and why. This can be a bonding experience in itself.
    • Start Small: Begin with simple toys like vibrators or cock rings. As you become more comfortable, you can explore more complex toys like remote-controlled devices or bondage gear.
  • Routine Integration:
    • Warm-Up: Introduce toys during foreplay to enhance arousal.
    • Combined Use: Use toys in conjunction with traditional intercourse to add new layers of pleasure.


  • Planning and Script Writing:
    • Scenario Ideas: Common scenarios include doctor/nurse, teacher/student, or fantasy characters. The key is to find something that excites both partners.
    • Boundary Setting: Clearly outline what is acceptable and what is off-limits. This ensures that both partners feel safe and respected.
  • Costumes and Props:
    • Thrift Stores and Online Shopping: Look for costumes that can be easily adapted for role-playing. Even everyday items can become props with a little imagination.
    • DIY: Sometimes creating your own props and costumes can add an extra layer of excitement and personalization.
  • Post-Role-Play Discussion:
    • Reflective Talk: Discuss what worked well and what didn’t. This helps in fine-tuning the experience for future role-playing sessions.
    • Emotional Check-In: Ensure that both partners feel comfortable and happy with the experience.

Sensory Play

  • Learning Techniques:
    • Sensory Toys: Explore toys designed for sensory play, such as feather ticklers, massage oils, and temperature play items.
    • Educational Resources: Books like “The Ultimate Guide to Sensory Play” can offer detailed guidance on how to safely and effectively incorporate sensory elements into your sex life.
  • Setting the Scene:
    • Creating Ambiance: Use scented candles, soft fabrics, and calming music to engage multiple senses. This can make the experience more immersive and enjoyable.
    • Temperature Play: Use items like ice cubes or warmed massage stones. Be sure to test the temperature on a less sensitive area of the body first to ensure it’s comfortable.
  • Experimentation:
    • Blindfolds: Enhancing other senses by temporarily removing sight can lead to heightened sensations.
    • Sound: Soft music or even silence can change the dynamic of your experience. Try whispering or using specific phrases to enhance the mood.

Other Techniques and Ideas

  • Mindfulness and Meditation:
    • Tantric Practices: Explore tantric sex, which focuses on slow, mindful, and connected experiences. Books like “Urban Tantra” by Barbara Carrellas offer a comprehensive guide.
    • Breathing Exercises: Practice deep breathing techniques together to enhance relaxation and connection.
  • Physical Fitness:
    • Yoga and Flexibility: Incorporate yoga into your routine to improve flexibility and strength, which can make certain positions more enjoyable.
    • Pelvic Floor Exercises: Both partners can benefit from pelvic floor exercises, which can enhance sexual pleasure and control.
  • Fantasy Exploration:
    • Erotic Literature and Films: Read erotic stories or watch erotic films together to spark new ideas and fantasies.
    • Fantasy Jar: Create a jar where each partner writes down a fantasy or sexual activity they’d like to try.

Call to “Action”

Ready to transform your sex life? Start by adopting the hobby mindset. Communicate openly, plan your intimate moments, and continually learn and explore. For further exploration, check out resources like “The Joy of Sex” by Alex Comfort, the “Sex with Emily” podcast, or online courses from platforms like:

  • OMGYES: An interactive platform focused on enhancing women’s sexual pleasure through research-based techniques.
  • Beducated: Offers a variety of online courses on sexual wellness, intimacy, and relationships, providing practical advice and techniques.
  • The Pleasure Mechanics: Provides detailed courses on various aspects of sexual pleasure, including massage techniques, kinky play, and mindful sex.
  • Sexual Health Alliance: Offers webinars and workshops led by sex therapists and educators, covering a broad range of topics related to sexual health and pleasure.
  • Coursera and Udemy: These platforms often have courses on human sexuality, sexual health, and relationship dynamics taught by experts in the field.

By integrating these resources into your routine, you can continually enhance your knowledge, skills, and overall enjoyment of your sex life. Remember, the key to a fulfilling sex life is the same as any rewarding hobby: dedication, curiosity, and a willingness to explore and grow together.


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Aaron Jarrels

I am focused on helping anyone who wants to expand their reach. I help people overcome their limiting beliefs and show them how to gain the confidence to eliminate imposter syndrome that hinders success. I specialize in assisting people with shifting their mindsets and help them master the skills necessary to achieve professional and personal success.